There are days when I struggle with writing. There are days I don't feel motivated at all to open those word docs and just want to curl up with a book--or *gasp* even television. On those days I wonder how I'm ever going to finish this book. I doubt my ability to make this manuscript something someone else will want to read. I think I must be the worst aspiring author ever. I put off revising because, well, I'm intimidated by my characters or the scene that's in need of major work. Yes, I realize that I've created this world and that I shouldn't be scared of it, but I am. What if I screw it up? What if I don't tell their story correctly? What if they hate me?
Isn't that the fear all mothers have? What if our children hate us?
I know this must sound crazy to those of you who don't write but those characters have lives of their own now and it's up to me to make sure they have the best tools possible to survive in the world of publishing. They really are my children now.
But even after all the fear and intimidation, I continue to come back to them. I can never stay away for more than a day or two before I'm itching to see what they are up to next. I love them too much to leave them unfinished. I realize that sometimes it's okay to take a break. Mini vacations are good for helping me reset and remember that I can, in fact, handle this.
And you know what else I realized? I realized I absolutely love to write. I always have. Writing makes me happy. Even if I knew there was no way their story would ever be published, I would still write it. I would write it because their story needs to be told, even if it's just me and my crit partners who read it. For now, I'm going to allow myself to just enjoy the process. I'm not going to think too much about whether this story will ever be seen on the shelves in some bookstore. This manuscript will some day be finished and when it is, I'll worry that stuff then. Until then, I'm going to have fun with this and remember why I started writing in the first place.
So, I guess the moral of today's story is this: Do what you love to do even if you are the only who loves it. Oh, and enjoy the moment? :-)